Bug's Bleat - - GCF: "longest and shortest list"

Volume 8, Issue 28 Friday, July 14, 2006

Hello All,

If you missed the City Wide Crusade for Christ, start planning to attend next year. I was changed by the fellowship of believers who came together to share the Gospel. And, I was privileged to pray with three people to receive Christ.
Thanks to Jim Bussey for his work and encouragement.
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The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include a shot of Panther Arena during the Crusade, the huge, multi-church choir and Brother Jack Daniels.
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Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
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This Week’s Taylor kid story; "Uncle Paul and the Throw Line"

Uncle Paul was one of my most patient uncles. He’d take time with us and didn’t get “too” mad when we did stupid stuff. One Saturday, he offered to take Charlie and I fishing so we all piled in his Chevy and headed for the Red River. On the way, Uncle Paul stopped at the store and bought a large spool of nylon twine, a large lead weight and a box of hooks.

When we got to the river, Charlie and I got our cane poles out and Uncle Paul got the sac from the store. He told us he was going to make a “Throw Line” and show us how to catch a “mess” of catfish on the river. Then he started digging in his pockets. After a couple of minutes, he was unable to find his pocketknife and asked us if we had a knife. Neither of us did (but, now, neither of us is ever without a pocket knife.)

Not being able to find a knife, he was stymied as to how he would build the “Throw Line.” Then he dug around in the car and came up with a box of kitchen matches.

While we fished, Uncle Paul patiently used the box of matches to burn the nylon twine into short “drops” and tied them along the main section of line. He put a hook on the end of each “drop.” Finally, he put the large lead weight on the end of the main line and called us over. It had taken about two hours for him to build the throw line.

He stood on the edge of the river and skillfully waved the line over his head, spinning it like a cowboy would a rope. Then he let fly and his construction payed out and flew out over the water, the weight striking almost the center of the river. The rest of the line followed beautifully and trailed into the river.

We were amazed. Unfortunately, Uncle Paul forgot to hold onto the end of the line and all of it went into the river and promptly disappeared.

Charlie and I looked at each other and then at Uncle Paul who was not looking too pleased. Not a word was said for several minutes, we all just watched the ripples of the line slowly disappear into the Red River. Then, Uncle Paul said, “Let’s go home boys.” and by his tone we knew not to argue.

Charlie and I gathered our poles and got in the car. Uncle Paul drove us home and never mentioned “Throw Lines” again.

~~

This week’s Charlie, Dinah Sue, and James Fort story; “Lard can lid soap box derby”

Uncle Fort used grandmother’s storage building to store hundreds of one gallon lard buckets and lids. He made the lard at the packinghouse and sold it by the gallon bucket.

One Saturday, we were watching “The Little Rascals” and they had a soap boy derby, using real soapboxes and baby carriage wheels to make their cars. It looked like fun so we decided to build some cars.

We went up to Uncle Cecil’s General Store and were able to find three apple crates. Then, we managed to scrounge some 1"x4"s from the neighbor hood and started building our cars. However, there was a shortage of baby carriages in Taylor.

What to do? Then we remembered the piles of can lids in the storage house. We experimented and discovered that three lids on the end of each axle would work a wheels, for a while any way.

So we started racing our cars and when we had a flat, (our can lids bent) we just went back to the storeroom and got more lids.

I think we’d used almost a hundred lids before Aunt Mary Joyce found us. It was another case of adults not understanding the innocent joys of childhood.
~~~~~
Hey guys!

I just wanted to say hi real quick and to ask for a prayer request. There’s a possibility for me to cross train into another job. If I can, I’ll be working for the base Chaplain and work for the church on base!! I’m really excited about the opportunity. God placed the desire in my heart some time ago and Satan came in tried to rob me of any chance of it. I know God’s calling me back to Him and I’m not looking back. I truly believe something big is about to happen in my life to God’s glory and I don’t want to miss it!!! Thanks guys!!! If there is anything I can do for y’all or if there is something I can get for you here in Kuwait let me know!!

TODD A. RAYMOND, SSgt, USAF
Fuels Resource Control Accountant
386 ELRS/LGRF
Ali Al Salem AB, Kuwait
~~~~~
Sherry Impson has gone up to Springdale to help out with John and Shelly and their kids this week. Shelly had begun to have some tingling in her fingertips, and then what they thought were migraine headaches. Tests have shown, however, that she had two hemorrhages on the lining of her brain. They are to do another CT scan this week to see if the places are still hemorrhaging. They are hoping to get her into the Mayo Clinic possibly next week that is where John's sister Mandy works. If they are able to get in, Sherry will be bringing the five grandchildren home with her next week when John and Shelly go out to Mayo in Arizona. They are praying for direction and protection during this time. I told Sherry I would pass the word on so people could be praying.

Mandy was able to get Shelly in for tests next week in Arizona at the Mayo clinic there. I think she and John are leaving Monday. Dr. Don Impson and his wife Sherry are going up to bring the four boys (ages 10 to 2) home with them and Shelly's mother will keep the little girl (5 months old) in El Dorado. The blood clots are in the layer between the "brain outer cover" and the skull bone. I think this is a good thing - much easier to treat than deeper problems. They still haven't figured out where the blood is coming from though. Your prayers are needed for our friend.
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com. Our photos are now posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s new Taylor Recipe Book
Vanessa’s Chicken Broccoli Ring

2 cans of croissant rolls
1 cup chopped Broccoli
2 cups chopped, cooked chicken
1 Tbl Spoon Pressed Garlic
Red Pepper to taste
1 cup grated cheddar cheese

On a cookie sheet, make ring out of the croissant dough (looks like a flower lying there), fill the ring with your ingredients and fold over, bake for 28 minutes @ 350 and VIOLA!
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Time to Amend
By Chuck Colson
7/14/2006

Protecting Traditional Marriage

Next week the House of Representatives will be voting on the Marriage Protection Amendment, which defines marriage as being between one man and one woman.

Our opponents say there is no need for this amendment because the states will do it, and they cite last week’s New York Court of Appeals decision supporting heterosexual marriage as evidence. Well, they’re wrong.

Yes, the Court of Appeals in New York did uphold New York’s law limiting marriage to one man and one woman. But in holding that there was a “rational basis” for this, the New York court is swimming against the tide of recent Supreme Court decisions in the area of gay rights.

This “tide” makes it virtually certain that when state statutes or constitutional provisions barring gay “marriage” reach the Supreme Court, they will be struck down. Let me tell you why: In Planned Parenthood v. Casey in 1992, Justice Kennedy affirmed the right of abortion by defining “liberty” as the right to “define one’s own concept of existence, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.”

As Justice Scalia noted in his dissent, such a definition could embrace anything. Scalia is right.

In Romer v. Evans a few years later, the Court struck down a democratically enacted referendum in Colorado denying special civil rights based on sexual orientation. Kennedy rejected the idea that there could be a “rational basis” for such a provision. Instead, he wrote that the vote was the product of “animus,” that is, bigotry, against homosexuals.

Then in 2003 in Lawrence v. Texas, the Supreme Court struck down a Texas law banning sodomy. In his majority opinion, Justice Kennedy again, instead of making a straightforward equal protection argument, cited his opinions in Casey and Romer. He ruled that in legislating against homosexual behavior, the state was guilty of bigotry or prejudice.

Once again Justice Scalia in dissent pointed out where Kennedy’s logic would lead us: “Today’s opinion,” he said, “dismantles the structure of constitutional law that has permitted the distinction to be made between heterosexual and homosexual unions . . . ” He argued that Lawrence effectively outlawed all legislation concerning morality.

If you take Kennedy and Scalia seriously—as we must—we have to conclude that the Supreme Court will declare any law restricting the right of homosexuals to marry unconstitutional. It can’t rule otherwise, not without disregarding its own precedents.

There’s already a Nebraska case making its way through federal courts in which a judge threw out a statute banning gay “marriage.” Within two years this will be at the Supreme Court, which has already shown that it dismisses state judgments on matters like this.

This is why this House vote is so important. Yes, we lost in the Senate, but we have to keep going to show our leaders that we are serious about protecting the sanctity of traditional marriage. We need to let them know that, like William Wilberforce in his campaign against slavery, which took twenty years, we are in this battle for the long haul. Those who thought that the Senate’s action was the last word on the subject couldn’t be more wrong.

Call your congressman today please. Tell him how strongly you feel about protecting traditional marriage—then urge him to vote for the Marriage Protection Amendment. You can find his phone number below, along with information about the amendment.

Take action:

Call your representative today and urge him or her to vote FOR the Marriage Protection Amendment. The vote is expected to take place next week. The Capitol switchboard is 202-224-3121, or learn your representative’s direct line by visiting www.house.gov.

For Further Reading and Information

Today’s BreakPoint offer: Call 1-877-322-5527 to request the free Marriage Amendment Information Packet, which is filled with articles, fact sheets, and booklets to help you articulate a winsome defense in favor of traditional marriage and passing the Marriage Protection Amendment.

Anemona Hartocollis, “New York Judges Reject Any Right to Gay Marriage,” New York Times, 7 July 2006.

“Excerpts from the Ruling,” from the majority opinion written by Judge Robert S. Smith, New York Times, 6 July 2006.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060605, “The Die Is Cast: Why We Need a Constitutional Amendment.”

Roger Severino, “Good Fences: Marriage and Religious Freedom,” BreakPoint WorldView, June 2006.

Read more articles and commentaries on BreakPoint’s marriage debate page.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
histrionic: theatrical.
quisling: a collaborator; a traitor.
cap-a-pie: from head to foot.
mountebank: a quack; also, a charlatan.
connubial: of or pertaining to marriage.
florid: flushed with red; also, excessively ornate.
arrant: outright; thoroughgoing.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"In the republic of mediocrity genius is dangerous." - Robert G. Ingersoll

"The will to believe is perhaps the most powerful, but certainly the most dangerous human attribute." - John P. Grier

"That it is better 100 guilty persons should escape than that one innocent person should suffer, is a maxim that has been long and generally approved." - Benjamin Franklin

"Never cut what you can untie." - Joseph Joubert

"Love is the magician, the enchanter, that changes worthless things to joy, and makes right royal kings and queens of common clay. It is the perfume of that wondrous flower, the heart, and without that sacred passion, that divine swoon, we are less than beasts; but with it, earth is heaven, and we are gods." - Robert Ingersoll

"If there is anything more dangerous to the life of the mind than having no independent commitment to ideas, it is having an excess of commitment to some special and constricting idea." - Richard Hofstadter

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

First Bible Commentary Written Exclusively by Africans for Africans
BBC Staff/TN (Jul 8, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2731
The BBC reports that the first Bible commentary written exclusively by African theologians and from an African pespective has been launched in Kenya.

Australia's "Most Influential Woman" Shares Testimony - Fights Prostitution
Dan Wooding/TN (Jul 9, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2734
"My mother has been a Christian all her life, she prayed everyday for me and those prayers were answered. It took twenty years to have them answered."

Rick Warren to Visit North Korea on July 17th in Preparation for Historic Preaching Engagement Next Year
Dan Wooding (Jul 10, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2737
"Regardless of politics, I will go anywhere I am invited to preach the Gospel."

Prayer Alert: Islamic Terrorists Bomb Commuter Trains in India
News Staff / AH (Jul 11, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2741
Early reports state that 7 explosions ripped through Mumbai's transit system during evening rush hour on Tuesday, killing over one hundred people, and injuring more than 300.

Non-Addictive Painkiller Derived from Pacific Snail, 1,000 Times More Potent than Morphine - Now Available in Great Britain
Nigel Hawkes/TN (Jul 11, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2742
The venom was discovered by a teenager.

Prayer Alert: Residents Along Northern Border of Israel Ordered into Bomb Shelters
Yaakov Katz, Herb Keinon, Jpost Staff / AH (Jul 12, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2746
According to the Jerusalem Post report, the IAF struck a Palestinian terrorist base near Beirut in Lebanon, Wednesday night (local time), after 2 IDF soldiers were kidnapped.

Israel is at War, Says Israeli Ambassador
FOX News staff / AH (Jul 13, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2750
Haifa, Israel's third largest city, was hit by 2 long range missiles, launched from Lebanon on Thursday, in a "major escalation" in the Middle East.

The Significance of this Day on the Jewish Calendar, in Relation to the Current Events of This Week in Israel
Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein / AH (Jul 13, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2751
"Today, the 17th of Tammuz on the Jewish calendar, is a day of great significance for the Jewish people. On this day on two separate occasions invaders breached the walls of Jerusalem."

Survey Reveals 25 Percent of Brits Claim to Have Felt God Work in Their Lives
Jeremy Reynalds / AH (Jul 14, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2754
"Many non- Christians think that because they don't have an active relationship with God that He won't be there for them . . . we're here to remind people that simply isn't the case."
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GCF: "longest and shortest list"

About a month ago, I asked any GCF readers that wished, to participate in a "longest and shortest list" project. I provided the start of two lists:

(1) Shortest Lists
(2) Longest Lists

Here are the "starter" lists (and no offense is intended!)

SHORTEST LISTS
Complete list of native German Humorists
Complete list of honest politicians
Complete list of book reviews by Paris Hilton

LONGEST LISTS
Complete list of egocentric professional athletes
Complete list of TV viewers tired of reality shows

With that as background, here are the results submitted by 38 readers of GCF. In this final version I have chosen not to identify the source of the lists, even though many said it was alright to use their name, etc.

There were some duplicates and some that were just not fit for incorporating in the Good Clean Fun list. If you do not see what you submitted exactly as you sent it to me, it was probably a duplicate and I combined what I received. I also exercised editorial powers over the results and changed the wording of some submissions.

So, here is the result:

SHORTEST LISTS
The complete list of:
- Conservative reporters employed by the New York Times.
- Politicians who actually care what you think.
- Men who really understand women and what they want.
- Actors/actresses who have a clue about real life.
- Honest attorneys.
- Movies never nominated for ANY award.
- Lottery winners whose fortunes now exceed their winnings.
- Golfers recording accurate non-tournament scores.
- Drivers never exceeding speed limits
- People who checked out the book titled "How to Teach Yourself to Read."
- School teachers and nurses who are in it for the money.
- Professional wrestlers who are now US Governors.
- Afghan chess masters.
- Tourist attractions of the Gobi Desert.
- Great dance moves from the 70's.
- Arguments a man can win with his wife.
- Rich high school dropouts.
- People who do not use a spell checker.
- Short Answers Attorney's Gave to Questions They Were Asked
- Times Attorney's Listened to Your Answers
- Times Husbands Stopped Driving to Ask for Directions
- Times Husbands said 'What" because They DIDN'T Hear What Their Wives Said
- Times We Listened to Free Good Advice
- Men Who Really Listen to What Their Wives Say
- Women Who Think Their Husbands Really Listen to Them
- Activities my wife thinks I should be doing without her
- Career Opportunities for History Majors
- Feminists with a sense of humor.
- People who have actually gotten off 'spam' lists
- Honest used car salesmen
- Offices that have gone 'paperless'
- Republicans who admit Democrats are sometimes right.
- Democrats who admit Republicans are sometimes right.
- Preachers who think they are long-winded (sent in by a preacher)
- What I need.
- Original plot ideas for movie sequels
- People who can add in hexadecimal
- People who know why the above list matters
- Projects a husband has finished that his wife is completely satisfied with
- Times children have done their chores without a reminder
- Hillary Clinton's Senatorial Achievements
- Rules for training a cat
- French war heroes since 1935.
- Realistic Prices on Necessary Prescriptions
- Differences between Reality and Dilbert
- Excuses made by husbands and accepted by wives
- Facts in advertisements
- 'Spam' emails that are appreciated
- Times that teenagers make their bed
- Diet foods that taste good


LONGEST LISTS
The complete list of:
- Reporters who consider themselves experts on the Iraq war.
- Irritating Volvo drivers.
- Hollywood breakups
- Campaign promises never met
- Addresses on chain letter emails
- Unsolicited advice given by Mothers-in-Law
- Stuff Bill Gates can buy
- People who think gas prices are too high.
- Women who like chocolate.
- Things Wives Repeated That They Had Said to Their Husbands
- Reasons We Give for Saying Something We Wish We Hadn't Said
- Apologies Husbands Make for Something They Said
- Apologies Husbands Make for Something They Didn't Say
- "Brief" things my wife would like for me to do this weekend
- People who use eBay at work
- Preachers who are long-winded (sent in by a preacher)
- What I want.
- Food particles found in a Boy Scout's mess kit right before serving their next meal
- Ways teenagers upset/offend/confuse their parents
- Things I will do when I retire or win the lottery
- Things my kids want to spend my money on
- Actors/actresses who have been married twice or more
- Places where Jimmy Hoffa is buried
- Shoes in Imelda Marcos' closet
- LMA (List of military acronyms)
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Not Too Bright

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Janet) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@egroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by McAfee VirusScan before it was sent.
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A college friend of mine had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard. Unfortunately, the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it impossible to move the lamp while the cord was attached. He decided to cut the cord, since the lamp was unusable anyway. He didn't remember to unplug it first. I found him in the hallway rolling back and forth.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Ball Markers

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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A golfer walks into the Pro Shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers.

The golf pro says, "Yes, they are just $1.00 each. "

The guy gives the golf pro a dollar and says he'll take one.

The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in the tray and with a big smile hands the guy a quarter.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Heart-to-Heart

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Pie Manners

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. The boy came in with a second piece of pie and again watched his father give it to a guest.

This was too much for the boy, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Math Symbols

Emailed to me from another humor list (The Funnies) -Tom To subscribe to The Funnies, send a blank email to: andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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While reviewing math symbols with my second-grade pupils, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone remember what these mean?"

A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand. "One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"
_ ____________________________ _
____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Oh Lord, give me patience ... \ /
\ _/ and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! \_ /
/ / \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The only thing that wakes \ /
\ _/ you up faster than coffee \_ /
/ / is spilled coffee. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / You know you are \ \_/ ////
\ / getting old if ... \ /
\ _/ You remember seeing "Star Wars" \_ /
/ / when it first came out. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / You know you are \ \_/ ////
\ / getting old if ... \ /
\ _/ You remember seeing "Star Wars" \_ /
/ / when it first came out. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / I used to watch golf on \ \_/ ////
\ / TV but my doctor told me \ /
\ _/ that I need more exercise, \_ /
/ / so now I watch tennis. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Loop: See loop \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ _ ____________________________ _
Thomas S. Ellsworth
tellswor@slonet.org
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
____________________________
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Marriage Funnies

A WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor say, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He then addressed the men: "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently, and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Received from Donald T Ford.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Jesus Sighting

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.

The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded yes, so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke?"

He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "And put it on my bill."

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of backflips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the redneck. The redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!"

Received from Ollie Crumpler.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Talking Dog

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"

Received from David Davis.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Correct Way to Call the Police (Not Really)

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked, "Is an intruder in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes, three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red handed.

One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Received from Jackie Mulholland.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Blonde Wants A Loan

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.

Received from Linda McDermon.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
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Boudreaux

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana.
Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."
Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched.
There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."

Thanks to David Lamb
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GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Press "1" for English.
Press "2" to disconnect until you have learned to speak English

Thanks to Greg McDaniel
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Blood Race*

During the time I was a first lieutenant at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base in North Carolina, the junior officers challenged the senior officers to see who would donate the most blood.

After trying several times to locate a vein in my left arm, the technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into my right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.

As I left the collection facility, I passed a colonel. Noting my two bandages, he looked at me and shook his head, saying, "I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat."

Eye Laugh

"Car For Sail"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=55

(-:][:-)

*Science Fair Responses*

Responses to questions on 5th and 6th grade science tests:

- There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

- Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.

- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

- The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

- Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

- Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

- Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

- A monsoon is a French gentleman.

- The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

- To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

- When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

- For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

- Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

Eye Laugh

"House Inspection"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=54

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/notable01_06b.html#06_26_06 - - New Yawkers Are Polite ... So There! "I'm a proud New Yorker, so I was pleased (and unsurprised) to read that a Reader's Digest poll ranks New York 'the most courteous major city in the world.'..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 14, 2006
Barry Sechrist

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters...

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the afternoon. Ingrid's husband called later saying that his wife had been taken to the hospital and passed away. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some stroke victims don't die, they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within three hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke . . . totally. He said the trick was having a stroke recognized, diagnosed and then getting the patient medically cared for within three hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE:
Remember the "3" steps.

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK, to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE. (Coherently) (i.e. . It is sunny out today)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue . if the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with any one of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 12, 2006

WEDNESDAY'S EDITORIAL
By T&D Staff

THE ISSUE: The tragedy of house fires

The news from Georgia made big headlines here as a well-known Orangeburg man was killed in a house fire while on a business trip. Carl Mutch, chief financial officer of Cox Industries, and another man died from smoke inhalation suffered when the house in which they were staying caught fire late in the night.

Mutch’s death calls further attention to the danger and long-term impact of house fires. They are, sadly, an all-too-common tragedy.

Home fires are identified by the Greater Edisto Chapter of the American Red Cross as the greatest and most common disaster threat we face.

Examine the numbers from the past three months:

In March 2006, the local Red Cross responded to nine homes totally destroyed or suffering major damage. The fires left 15 adults and 14 children without a home and with just the clothes they were wearing.

In April 2006, the Greater Edisto Chapter responded to 10 homes totally destroyed or suffering major damage, leaving 15 adults and 20 children without a home.

In May 2006, the total was seven homes totally destroyed or suffering major damage leaving 11 adults and 16 children homeless.

The direct cost of emergency assistance to the families from the Greater Edisto Chapter in just three months was $10,845.

The totals are not unusual. Nearly five home fires occur every month in our area. In the past three months eight homes in Colleton County have been destroyed, 19 homes in Orangeburg County from Eutawville, to Springfield, to North have been destroyed or suffered major damage and three in Barnwell County.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 11, 2006
Safety from the Heart prepared by BRT employee, Nancy Pivik
Whatever the Task - Wear the Proper Shoes

I like many other women today love the new fun styles of shoes. Those without backs, nice size heel. I also don't get enough exercise so I try to use the stairs on my many trips to 16 for a diet coke. One particular day as I was heading down wearing one of my favorite pairs of fun shoes (no back, large heel). Before I knew what was happening, my heel caught on the stairs, shoe flew off and I fell forward skipping about 3 steps onto the landing! What saved me from causing harm to myself was that I was holding on to the railing. I found myself sitting on the landing quite surprised that I didn't break a limb.

Since then I have walked away with the following lessons:

1. Use the railing always and make sure that I have a hand free to do so.

2. Don't be quick to use the stairs if shoes are not appropriate.

Lastly, a lesson I was taught (but forgot) during my days at the PDC

3. Sensible, nice fully enclosed shoes while not as stylish maybe more appropriate for safety, therefore I now wear these more often.


------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 11, 2006
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Allen Smoak.
Eye Safety:

Eyesight is one of our valued physical senses. Eye protection at work is also valued and the wearing of eye protection should be as automatic as breathing. No ifs, ands, or buts about PPE for our eyes. We are taught to continually assess our work situation and don the proper eye protection....'Take Two' if we have to but ensure we protect ourselves from damaging our eyes.

Protecting our eyes at home should also be a priority. Hobbies or off the job endeavors such as gardening, carpentry, lawn care, farming, wood cutting, or hunting should include eye protection as part of the activity.
Here is a case in point.....

At 16, I worked on a 5,000 acre farm during the summer of 1971. I worked sun up to sun down for $1 an hour and all the lunch I could eat. The owner's wife was an absolutely great cook. I had graduated from feeding the livestock and cleaning the breeder and topping houses for the owner's swine operation to driving a John Deere 4020 tractor. Not only was the view better....the smell was a lot better also. My job involved the application of liquid nitrogen to the corn crop or applying herbicide to the cotton. The owner would pull a 1,000-gallon trailer of nitrogen by a field or leave a 5-gallon bucket of herbicide by a neighbor's house for me to use that day....depended on the job for the day.

One hot July afternoon I was applying cotton herbicide. I would fill my 200-gallon trailer with water, add 2 quarts of herbicide, then dispense the material in the field . . . then continue the process until finished. The only time I saw my employer was at lunch - when he would pick me up - and then at the end of the day for the ride home. My attire for the day was usually tennis shoes, cut-off blue jeans, base ball cap, tee shirt. That's all.

Let's paint a picture. My rig is parked beside the pump house of a home next to the cotton field I am working. The pump house has one spigot to the outside...I am filling the tank with a short hose. The home owner has 5 or 6 hound dogs milling around their water trough that is located directly under the spigot. I am pouring the second quart of herbicide from the container into a quart mason jar. Upon filling the mason jar...I tip the container upright...the herbicide slouches in the can and one droplet exits the 1-1/2" bung and strikes me in the right eye.

Down on the ground I fall with both hands trying to hold my eye.....the pain, I imagine, feels the same as if someone had stabbed me in the eye with a knife. No one is home on this day. I scramble to the dog water trough... kicking and bowling the hounds out of the way and begin frantically cupping water from their trough into my eye. I'm cupping water, green algae, sand, dog saliva, mosquito larvae...you name it...if it is in the water it is going into my eye. Finally the burning subsides, I gather my thoughts and unscrew the water hose from the spigot and begin flushing my eye. After 15 or 20 minutes I look up and my vision is blurry and my eye begins burning again.

I continue flushing my eye until the burning stops. I re-fill the water trough and finish spraying the cotton field. When I arrive home, my cornea is blistered...red and aching. I continually use Murine eye drops for a week, but never told any one about the incident. I wore sunglasses from that time forward and fortunately did not permanently damage my vision.

Ending, I want to encourage everyone to think about eye safety at home and at play. Also, speak with your family about wearing good eye protection. Our vision is a great asset no one wants to lose.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 10, 2006
Sunscreen
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Joey Sloop.

As many of you are probably already aware, I am not fond of being out and about during the day. Whether this is because I was sun burned really bad as a child, a fascination for things nocturnal, or some lunar influence, I cannot say. Regardless, whenever my family takes our yearly excursion to the beach, I make sure that my children and myself are suitably protected from harmful solar radiation.

Until this year, we have always trusted our skin protection to Coppertone Waterbabies. This year, I found a sunscreen with a SPF of 50 called NO-AD. The Coppertone we have used for many years was a SPF of 45. NO-AD, like Coppertone, claims to be waterproof and sweat-proof. It was a little cheaper than Coppertone so I decided to give it a try. I was not going to risk the kids' skin with an untested product, so this bottle was strictly for my own use. Therefore, I had no problem with being generous with the application of it. However, the first day on the beach, after only two hours in the sun, my back and neck were burnt and my legs below the knees were burnt so bad they were almost blistered. The kids, still using Coppertone, showed hardly any signs of being out in the sun.

After being burned so bad, I read the fine print on the bottle. It suggests a reapplication after 90 minutes in the sun or surf. Coppertone makes the same suggestion, but we have never have and never had a problem. That same week, I saw a news report on sun screens. Evidently the FDA realizes that these companies are making false claims in advertising the superiority of their products, but lets them get by with it as long as they tell you that this is not necessarily true in the fine print on the back of the bottle. I won't suggest avoiding NO-AD, because it might just be something about my body chemistry that counteracts protection it is supposed to provide. However, I will not give them anymore of my money.

The moral of this story: If you have something that works for you, stick with it! Also, don't wait until after you purchase a product to read the fine print.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
Prepared by BRT employee, George Ricks
Watch Out For Alligators

Everyone has seen them. Those large and small chunks of rubber found all over our highways resulting from tire blow-outs. Truckers call them "Alligators." Recently, as I was on my way to work, I was introduced to an Alligator. I was on the interstate near Hammond when a car in the right hand lane jumped to the left hand lane directly in front of me to pass an 18-wheeler. Shortly thereafter, the car threw up a very large piece of rubber. Before I could react, it was on me. It hit my car (a small Aveo) at the base and center of the windshield at 70 mph. The windshield shattered but did not go to pieces. However, a significant amount of glass did fall inside the car on the dash and front seats. I had no choice but to go to the side of the road very quickly. The impact also caused a dent in the hood near the windshield and scratches on the hood and left front panel as the rubber rolled off the car. In this case, the disrespectful driver cut me off and reduced my visibility and space significantly. Although incidents such as this cannot be eliminated entirely, they may be avoided to some extent by following the defensive driver 2-second rule. This rule will provide sufficient space between automobiles. If an object is thrown from the road, the additional space may allow a little more time to react and possibly avoid a collision with the object.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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At first I thought this was funny... Then, I realized "How True it is!!"

Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.

Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him til he's good and sore.

Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"

And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!


Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation,
Usage Surcharge Gas Tax on Electricity Bills

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and there was prosperity, absolutely no national debt, the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
********************

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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Venezuela Dictator Vows To Bring Down U.S. Government

Venezuela government is sole owner of Citgo gasoline company

Venezuela Dictator Hugo Chavez has vowed to bring down the U.S. government. Chavez, president of Venezuela, told a TV audience: "Enough of imperialist aggression; we must tell the world: down with the U.S. empire. We have to bury imperialism this century."

The guest on his television program, beamed across Venezuela, was Cindy Sheehan, the antiwar activist. Chavez recently had as his guest Harry Belafonte, who called President Bush "the greatest terrorist in the world."

Chavez is pushing a socialist revolution and has a close alliance with Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.

Regardless of your feelings about the war in Iraq, the issue here is that we have a socialist dictator vowing to bring down the government of the U.S. And he is using our money to achieve his goal!

The Venezuela government, run by dictator Chavez, is the sole owner of Citgo gas company. Sales of products at Citgo stations send money back to Chavez to help him in his vow to bring down our government.

YOU CAN VERIFY THIS ON THE CITGO WEB PAGE.
http://www.citgo.com/AboutCITGO.jsp

Thanks to Royce Prince
~~~
The global and fungible nature of the world oil market doesn't really provide consumers with many effective opportunities to influence political issues through their buying patterns.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/gasoline/citgo.asp
Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2006
by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
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We are at war and a combatant faking death in order to ambush our guys ought to be shot.

The U.S. Marine in Iraq who shot and killed an enemy combatant who was pretending to be dead but in reality was alive. If you have any feelings for this Marine who was doing his job then please read and help take action for this American Hero. I am asking all who receive this message to add your name in support of the young Marine accused of murdering a combatant in Iraq.

He called out to his buddies that the person was faking, the person apparently made a suspect move and the Marine shot<>him dead. There was another combatant in the room who identified himself as being wounded...The Marines did not shoot him. The ACLU are claiming the Marine is guilty of a war crime. This is ridiculous!

Bill O'Reilly of the Fox News Channel feels there is overwhelming support for this young Marine

Thanks to Vanessa Malone
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Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

Today my best friend slapped me in the face.

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.

The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

today my best friend saved my life.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "after I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Do not value the things you have in your life, value the people you have in your life!

Thanks to Trina Jurls
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I was reading a book this weekend called, "Winning Words"

A collection of great inspirational quotations from coaches coast to coast

There are gobs of wonderful sayings in here and lots of motivational quips, but for today this is the one that I wanted to pass on.

'I would rather be disliked for what I am, than to be liked for what I am not. Be true to yourself. '

and

"Today is the only day we have. We can't do anything about the past, and we don't know what the future holds. But we can live at our full potential right now."

Joel Osteen

Thanks to Trina Jurls
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Pfc. Kevin F. Edgin, 31, of Dyersburg, Tenn., died on July 6 in Baghran Valley, Afghanistan, when his convoy encountered enemy small arms fire. Edgin was assigned to the Army's 87th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y

02. The Department of Defense announced today the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, on July 8, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their Mine Protected Vehicle (RG-31) during combat operations.
All soldiers were assigned to the 54th Engineer Battalion, 130th Engineer Brigade, Warner Barracks, Bamberg, Germany. Killed were:
03. Staff Sgt. Omar D. Flores, 27, of Mission, Texas.
04. Spc. Troy C. Linden, 22, of Detroit Lakes, Minn.
05. Spc. Joseph P. Micks, 22, of Rapid River, Mich.

06. Sgt. Justin L. Noyes, 23, of Vinita, Okla., died July 2 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 9th Engineer Support Battalion, 3rd Marine Logistics Group, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Okinawa, Japan.

07. Sgt. Duane J. Dreasky, 31, of Novi, Mich., died on July 10, in the Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV in Habbaniyah, Iraq, on Nov. 21. Dreasky was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 119th Field Artillery, Lansing, Mich.

08. Sgt. Irving Hernandez Jr., 28, of New York, N.Y., died in Mosul, Iraq, on July 12 when he encountered enemy small arms fire during combat operations. Hernandez was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, 172nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, Fort Wainwright, Alaska.

09. Spc. Damien M. Montoya, 21, of Holbrook, Ariz., died in Baghdad, Iraq, on July 9 from a non-combat related cause. Montoya was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 67th Armor Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

10. Petty Officer 1st Class Jerry A. Tharp, 44, of Muscatine, Iowa, died July 12 as a result of enemy action when his dismounted patrol was struck by an improvised explosive device while operating in the Al Anbar province of Iraq. He was assigned to Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 25, Rock Island, Ill.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 01 --- 13 Jul 2006
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
+---------------------------------------+

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: The Big 1-1 / Photo Sharing / Weather

Whoosh! That's the sound of time flying by. This month the Internet Tourbus celebrates ELEVEN YEARS on the info superhighway. That makes TOURBUS one of the oldest email newsletters in the world. But hey, we FEEL young! In fact, we just installed new shields to compensate for the deformation of sub-atomic particles at near-light speeds.

Patrick and I want to say THANKS to those of you who have been loyal riders for many years, to our sponsors who make this free newsletter possible, and to over 100000 readers in 130 countries. We appreciate your kind words of support and encouragement. Today we'll start off with an Internet history lesson, then move on to the latest and greatest. Read on...

+---------------------------------------+

------------------
A History Lesson
------------------

The history of computing and the story of how the Internet came to be are fascinating subjects to me. But it's too big a story to tell here, so I've pulled together some excellent links that you can use to explore it at your leisure.

The HISTORY OF COMPUTING PROJECT offers a timeline of major events in the history of computers, biographies of computer pioneers, and even a history of video games.

http://www.thocp.net

HOBBES' INTERNET TIMELINE gives a list of Internet milestones from 1957 to present.

http://www.zakon.org/robert/internet/timeline

For further reading, and access to a nifty Internet Time Machine, continue at this link:

http://askbobrankin.com/internet_history.html

----------------------------
Photo Printing and Sharing
----------------------------

To say that digital cameras have revolutionized photography would be an understatement. It's not just the way we take pictures that has changed, but photo printing, photo storage and photo sharing have all gone digital as well.

Free digital photo printing, storage and sharing have become some of the most popular online activities, and a crop of websites have been developed to make all these digital photography tasks a snap. Let's put the lens on some of the best photo printing, photo storage and photo sharing sites...

http://askbobrankin.com/photo_printing_and_sharing.html

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Online Weather Resources
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In addition to local weather maps and forecasts for thousands of cities around the world, the Internet offers a wide array of tools to help you learn about weather phenomena, keep current with weather conditions, and alert you to approaching storms.

You can even get yor local weather forecast delivered automatically to your desktop or inbox every morning. Here are some of favorite weather-related websites and online services.

http://askbobrankin.com/weather_forecast.html

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin


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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
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.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
~~~
MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
~~~
MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 a.m
~~~
MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
~~~
TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Acts 24:24-25 Gal 5:13-15 Col 4:5-6 1 Th 3:4-7 Mat 15:22-28 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat". If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. Of course "Da Bleat" is now on the web. Just go to http://bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com to see the latest issue (usually updated sometime Friday evening or Saturday morning. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2006 before it was sent.