Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Blood Race

Volume 8, Issue 30 Friday, July 28, 2006

Hello ALL,

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite." - - John Kenneth Galbraith

Thanks to Barry Brownlee
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The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include photos of our MCC guys (Sim Baily, John Wimberly, Robert Davis and Jim McWilliams) at our last fish dinner and our Fire Brigade drilling in the July heat.
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We are pleased to announce the promotion of our sister, friend and coworker, Daphne E Roberts to Sr. Business Applications Analyst effective July 1, 2006. Daphne joined Albemarle in the Maintenance organization at the Magnolia plant in 1988. Based on her knowledge of the maintenance processes and the use of our legacy mainframe maintenance system, she was assigned to the Maintenance team on the initial SAP implementation in 1995. Daphne's experience in the manufacturing environment has been invaluable in her support of business process improvements in plant maintenance, purchasing, MRO stores management, warehouse management, and project systems. In addition, Daphne provided a leadership role in the integration of the plant maintenance and project systems process in SAP for the Refinery Catalysts division. Daphne continues to work at our Magnolia, Arkansas plant
~~~~~
Pay Close Attention To The Tomato Photo on the last page of our Word and PDF versions.
This photo was taken at the Brenneman's Produce. Vicky Brenneman had just sliced open a tomato and what she discovered is recorded here. Vicky, realizing what it looked like, stopped slicing and saved it for all to see. Now, admit it -- isn’t this nice to see something simple like this to uplift our lives and make us smile?

Surely beats some of those other "images" that make the news.

" You have been told, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: Only to do right and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God. "
(Micah 6:8)

Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
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This week’s Charlie, Dinah Sue, and James Fort story; "Don't Cry!"

Like all kids we loved to play with fire works and when we were kids they really packed a punch. One July 4th, we were out on Uncle Paul’s car pad (the concrete was there but he hadn’t yet put a roof over it), shooting firecrackers when I held one too long and it went off in my hand.
I started to cry and Dinah Sue immediately hushed me explaining; “Daddy will make us stop playing if he hears you crying.”
So I “snuffed up” the tears and we continued playing, eventually moving across the road to the ditch where we could blow up crawdad holes. Charlie put a firecracker in one of the holes a couple of feet behind Dinah Sue and, when it went off, it scared her.
She started crying and ran home where Uncle Paul comforted her and made us quit playing with the firecrackers.
As we were walking back to Grandmother’s house, Charlie commented, “Well, she was right, he made us quit when someone started crying.”
~~~~~
NASA selected Lockheed as the contractor to build the next series of manned space exploration vehicles - - http://www.space.com/news/060331_cev_nasa_update.html

The Lockheed Martin and Northrop Grumman-Boeing teams have been under contract since July ‘05 when NASA gave each team $28 million to help refine their respective CEV concepts. A follow-up solicitation was issued in January and both teams submitted their final proposals to NASA by the March 20 deadline.

NASA has not said how much it expects the CEV to cost, but the agency has included over $20 billion in its latest five-year budget for Constellation Systems, the program that encompasses development of the CEV, two new launch vehicles and other hardware NASA needs to return to the Moon by 2020.

Lockheed Martin announced in late February that if it wins, it would do final assembly and checkout of the vehicle at Kennedy Space Center, bringing about 300 to 400 new jobs to Florida.

The firm followed up its Florida announcement with a March 24 announcement that it would put about 1,200 mostly engineering jobs in Houston in order to be close to Johnson Space Center, the NASA center running the CEV program. John Karas, Lockheed Martin's vice president of space exploration, said in an interview prior to the announcement that a CEV win would mean about 300 to 400 new jobs at the company's facilities in Denver.
~~~~~
With a year to go before it even touches the water, the Navy's amphibious assault ship USS New York has already made history. It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center

It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite, La., to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It was a spiritual moment for everybody there."

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair on my neck stood up."

"It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said. "They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back."

The ship's motto? - 'Never Forget'

Thanks to John Chadsey
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat2q.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q.blogspot.com. Our photos are now posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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Recipe(s) of the week - We’re sharing recipes from Shannon Voigt’s new Taylor Recipe Book
“Tea Cakes” (2) Margie Taylor (You can’t begin to see how good these are. “Bug”)

Ingredients:
3 eggs
2 cups sugar
¾ cup Crisco
½ cup buttermilk
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. soda
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
3 ½ cups flour, sifted

Method:
Cream Crisco and sugar together. Cream 1 egg at a time. Sift flour, salt, baking powder and soda together. Add dry ingredients, vanilla and buttermilk. Put on floured board or wax paper and roll to ¼ inch thickness. Cut with cookie cutter. Bake 350º for about 10 minutes or slightly brown. Do no over bake.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

One Truth, Many Evidences
By Chuck Colson
7/28/2006

20 Compelling Evidences that God Exists

In the first chapter of their new book, 20 Compelling Evidences that God exists, Ken Boa and Robert Bowman write, “We don’t mean to discourage you from reading the rest of this book. But in the interest of full disclosure, we should tell you that, in a sense, there is only one good reason to believe that God exists: because it’s true.”

That statement is both profound and well expressed. Unfortunately, these days it’s not the kind of statement you can make in public without having scorn heaped upon your head. As the authors jokingly point out, the popular viewpoint regarding truth is, “Anyone who believes that he is right and others are wrong is intolerant.” Now that’s self-contradictory on its face, but it’s almost certain to be thrown at you if you assert a truth claim.

That’s why Boa and Bowman have titled their book 20 Compelling Evidences that God Exists—because they recognize that for any claim to truth to be taken seriously in today’s culture, it needs solid evidence to back it up. As the authors write, “There are many such evidences, but they all have value because they help us see that the God of the Bible is real.” In fewer than two hundred pages, they clearly and concisely examine some of today’s most pervasive worldviews and their flaws. Then they present their case for God’s existence and His revelation of Himself through Jesus Christ.

What kind of evidences are they talking about? There’s an amazing variety. They don’t state it right up-front, but they are organizing their “20 compelling evidences” in a way that takes readers through the doctrines of creation, fall, redemption, and restoration—the four basic elements of the Christian worldview that I set forth in How Now Shall We Live?

They start with evidence about the universe and the origins of life. And they talk, for example, about how finely our solar system and our planet had to be calibrated to support life. At “an extremely conservative estimate,” they say, the probability of our planet being capable of sustaining us is about one in a billion. It had to be at just the right place in the solar system, which had to be at just the right place in the galaxy. Even the expansion of the universe had to happen at just the right rate in order for all of us to be here today.

From evidence about the universe, the authors move on to evidence of humanity’s sinful nature; then evidence of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection; and finally, evidence of those who have lived and died for Christ. Examining concepts ranging from Greek philosophy to archeology to the Big Bang theory to postmodernism, the authors make a powerful case for the existence of a loving Creator.

In short, I highly recommend Boa and Bowman’s book. They provide in a very readable form an excellent apologetic resource for Christians wondering how to defend their faith in a world that’s “tolerant” of everything except Christianity.

Ken Boa is a great apologist—one of the most engaging and popular teachers in our Centurion’s training program. You can visit our website, BreakPoint.org, to find out how you can get 20 Compelling Evidences that God Exists. While you’re there, be sure to check out some of our other Christian worldview resources.

For Further Reading and Information

Today’s BreakPoint offer: Subscribe today to BreakPoint WorldView magazine! Call 1-877-322-5527.

Ken Boa and Robert Bowman, Jr., 20 Compelling Evidences that God Exists (RiverOak, 2002).

Charles Colson and Nancy Pearcey, How Now Shall We Live? (Tyndale, 1999).

Charles Colson with Anne Morse, How Now Shall We Live? Devotional (Tyndale, 2004).

William A. Dembski, The Design Revolution: Answering the Toughest Questions (InterVarsity, 2004).

Jimmy Davis and Harry Poe, Designer Universe (Broadman and Holman, 2002).

Art Lindsley, True Truth: Defending Absolute Truth in a Relativistic World (InterVarsity, 2004).

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060724, “Be Ready: Why Good Arguments Often Fail.”

Stand to Reason is a Christian apologetics organization that helps believers learn how to articulate the biblical worldview in light of secular viewpoints.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
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Words of the Week:
cursory: hastily or superficially performed.
mordant: biting; caustic; sarcastic.
limn: to draw or paint; also, to describe.
plebeian: common; vulgar.
grandiloquent: lofty in style.
apologia: a formal defense or justification.
germane: appropriate or fitting; relevant.
from Dictionary.Com
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"It is a supermarket where students are shoppers and professors are merchants of learning. Fads and fashions, the demands of popularity and success, enter where wisdom and experience should prevail." - Association of American Colleges

"I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work 15 and 16 hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example." - Mario Cuomo

"I have noted that persons with bad judgment are most insistent that we do what they think best." - Lionel Abe

"The great corrupter of public man is the ego. Looking at the mirror distracts one's attention from the problem." - Dean Acheson

"There are times when I think that the ideal library is composed solely of reference books. They are like understanding friends - always ready to meet your mood, always ready to change the subject when you have had enough of this or that." - J Donald Adams

"Not to engage in the pursuit of ideas is to live like ants instead of like men." - Mortimer Adler

"Bored people, unless they sleep a lot, are cruel." - Renata Adler
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

Joni Eareckson Tada, a Quadriplegic, Supports President Bush's Veto on Embryonic Stem Cell Bill
JAF / AH (Jul 21, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2788
"I stand with countless Americans with disabilities who believe that our cause is not advanced when human life is sacrificed in hopes of finding a cure. Any research that destroys human embryos is an affront to God's creative authority."

No Murders in Washington D.C. for Duration of Week-Long Prayer Vigil
Rev. Patrick J. Mahoney / AH (Jul 28, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2822
"Through the years, prayer has changed the course of history and helped reduce human suffering around the world."

10,000 Turn Up at Pro-Israel Rally in L.A. with Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
JPStaff/TN (Jul 27, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2818
"We are all here to support the State of Israel."

Washington Supreme Court Strikes Severe Blow against Gay Marriage
Diane O'Neal/TN (Jul 26, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2814
"It's a great day for marriage, for the family, and for America."

While Rabbis Make Call to Pray Psalm 83 - Ancient Book of Psalms Found in Ireland Bog, Open to Same Psalm
Shawn Pogatchnik / AH (Jul 26, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2813
The 20-page book of psalms, dated to the years 800-1000, was found open to a page describing a psalm [83] in which God hears complaints of other nations' attempts to wipe out the name of Israel.

Hitler's Goddaughter - Now a Follower of Jesus Christ - Challenges Christians to Love Jews
Dan Wooding / AH (Jul 25, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2809
"My father was a Believer, and he loved Jewish people, [but] because of his job he was supposed to give the command to deport Jewish people, and this was something he felt he couldn't do. So actually, my father used his position, like [Oscar] Schindler, to help Jewish people to escape . . ."

July 25th, 2006 is "Darfur Action Day"
Sarah Downey / AH (Jul 25, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2808
LifeNets.net, a non-profit association, made up of ordinary people who desire to help combat genocide and extreme poverty, has declared July 25th, 2006, as "Darfur Action Day."

Rabbis Call for World-Wide Prayer Rally
Matthew Wagner/TN (Jul 24, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2803
The Jerusalem Post has reported that the 12-member Chief Rabbinate's governing council announced a worldwide prayer rally on Tuesday, the eve of the new Jewish month of Menahem-Av.

Churches in New Zealand Come Together in Prayer for their Country's Media on July 30th
Kirstin Engelbracht (Jul 23, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2798
On Media Prayer Day, Sunday July 30, all New Zealand Christians have a unique opportunity to join together in prayer for their fellow-Christians in print, television, radio, film and other electronic media.

Dad Saves Drowning Son's Life by Breathing Into His Mouth for Seven Minutes
Local 6 News/TN (Jul 22, 2006)
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=2793
"The fact that he woke up at all is being considered a miracle."
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GCF: Blood Race

Emailed to me from another humor list (You Make Me Laugh) -Tom To subscribe to You Make Me Laugh, send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE-laugh@lists.crosswalk.com

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or visit the Good Clean Fun web site http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor/ Unsubscribe info for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by McAfee VirusScan before it was sent.
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The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Caroline to see who would donate the most blood.

After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.

As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel. Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, "I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Hair Cut

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Alden) -Tom
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Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn't get it all cut.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Eggplants

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ each -- three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
_ ____________________________ _

WARNING: You are entering a bad pun zone!
GCF: Consultant

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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We just hired a new consultant at my job. I asked him a question.

He said, "I could tell you, but then I would have to bill you."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: McDonalds

Emailed to me from another humor list (Marty's Joke of the Day) -Tom To subscribe to Marty's Joke of the Day, send a blank email to: martysjotd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

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Driving through Oklahoma, my husband and I went out of our way to stop at what was billed as the largest McDonald's in the world.
However, we were less than thrilled when an employee addressed everyone over the intercom: "Attention, world's largest McDonald's customers."
_ ____________________________ _
____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I had amnesia and \ /
\ _/ deja vu at the same time. \_ /
/ / I think I forgot this before. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I had amnesia and \ /
\ _/ deja vu at the same time. \_ /
/ / I think I forgot this before. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / All syllogisms have three \ /
\ _/ parts, therefore this \_ /
/ / is not a syllogism. \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Whose cruel idea was it \ /
\ _/ for the word "lisp" \_ /
/ / to have an "s" in it? \ ____________________________
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Tonight's weather: \ /
\ _/ Dark with continued darkness \_ /
/ / until dawn. \ _ ____________________________ _
Thomas S. Ellsworth
tellswor@slonet.org
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
____________________________
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Where's My Porridge?

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!," he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!," he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

"It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time...

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE PORRIDGE YET!!"

Received from Deborah.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Blonde Shops For Curtains

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small - what room are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"

Received from Lynda Greene.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Housekeeper

A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the kitchen rings.

"Hello," says the man answering it.

"Hi," says a high woman's voice. "This is Tiffany the housekeeper."

"Oh," says the man. "Hi Tiffany."

"Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you'd be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom."

"What sort of a problem?"

"Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the mattress, it fell out."

"Well, what's the problem, Tiffany?"

"Well, I wasn't sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?"

"Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it."

"Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond ring you've been missing."

"That's wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?"

"In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!"

"And how did you lock it?"

"First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried the top to make sure it was locked," says the housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered his instructions.

"Good! And where did you put the key?"

"In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china."

"Fantastic!" says the man, impressed.

"Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised."

"Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a great housekeeper."

"Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night."

"You too, Tiffany. Good night."

The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin, "This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!"

Received from Moody.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] The Pope and the President

The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.

Secret Service guys start to launch a boat, but President Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry."

Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over, picks it up, and then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

The next morning, the headlines in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Atlanta Constitution, Washington Post, Boston Herald, Buffalo News, Houston Chronicle, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times, and San Francisco Chronicle all proclaim:

"Bush Can't Swim!"

Received from Tim Krell.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
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To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
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Monastery Life

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...

CELEBRATE!!!"

Thanks to John Chadsey
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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the un install doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to un install, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Thanks to John Chadsey
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I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.)

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster.. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . "Poupon."

Thanks to John Chadsey
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The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces. These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.

5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

6. Their favorite movie is "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN."

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday

Thank to Terry
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Airline Maintenance

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Thanks to John Chadsey
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Mating Season

Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened
closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us."

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside.
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!
It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Like the others, he then heard an answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read....

NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN

Thanks to John Chadsey
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THE IDIOTS AMONG US

NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman, KS.
_________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City!
_________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
_________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
_________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

Thanks to John Chadsey
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Captive Insurgents

A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.

She received back the following reply:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the Burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember.. we'll be watching.

Good luck!

Cordially, your friend,
Don Rumsfeld

Thanks to John Chadsey
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NEW SUPERMARKET

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh butterfat.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.

So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

Thanks to John Chadsey
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For ALL who have called tech support at one time or another..................

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said;
"The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar. "

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.

Thanks to Sam A. Boggs
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/admonitions.html - - Ad-Monitions "When I see the term "Dream Job" in employment ads, I immediately get suspicious. My first thought -- after "Yeah, right!" -- is what else is this company lying about..."
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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The Library of Congress: Webcasts - - http://www.loc.gov/today/cyberlc/index.php - - Over 300 webcasts presented by the Library of Congress on a wide range of topics such as religion, government, and education.
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Noise-Induced Hearing Loss - - http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/hearing/noise.asp - - Every day we experience sound in our environment such as the television, radio, washing machine, automobiles, buses, and trucks. But when an individual is exposed to harmful sounds--sounds that are too loud or loud sounds over a long time--sensitive structures of the inner ear can be damaged, causing noise-induced hearing loss. Related site: Headphones and Hearing Loss
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USA Patriot Act: Free, Searchable Version - - http://www.asksam.com/eBooks/Patriot_Act/ - - Search and analyze the text from the USA Patriot Act (Public Law 107-56).
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First-Aid Guide - - http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/FirstAidIndex/FirstAidIndex - - Medical emergencies don't occur every day. But when they do, you should have the information you need to deal with these situations. This site by Mayo Clinic provides first-aid information from Animal Bites through Toothache.
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100 Most Often Misspelled Words - - http://yourdictionary.com/library/misspelled.html - - Here are the 100 words most often misspelled ('misspell' is one of them) as presented by yourDictionary.com. Each word has a mnemonic pill with it and, if you swallow it, it will help you to remember how to spell the word. Master the orthography of the words on this page and reduce the time you spend searching dictionaries by 50%.
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Identity Theft Resource Center - - http://www.idtheftcenter.org/index.shtml - - Welcome to the Identity Theft Resource Center, a nonprofit, nationally respected program dedicated exclusively to identity theft It provides consumer and victim support and advises governmental agencies, legislators and companies about this evolving and growing crime.
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National Center for Health Statistics: Injury Data and Resources - - http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/injury.htm - - The purpose of this Web site is to provide an overview of injury morbidity and mortality data and statistics available from the National Center for Health Statistics and other sources and to provide details on injury surveillance methodology and tools to assist in data analysis.
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------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 27, 2006
Camping

Today's Message is from Robert Pierpoline (a Houston Albemarle employee).

We went "RV" camping last week, and after spending a week in the park and talking with all the other folks on vacation there, it was amazing how many "Incidents" occurred on these trips. A few examples:

Blown RV tire due to improper inflation - resulting in a 2-hour stop on the side of Beltway 8. Turns out one side was inflated 20 psi higher than the other, making the trailer less stable while towing. Not only was there a cost to replace the tire, the time lost, but try spending 2 hours on the side of the road, on the start of you vacation with your children constantly asking...HOW MUCH LONGER, DAD?

Another blown tire story - the tire stayed on the rim and beat the wheel well on the RV, resulting in significant damage to the RV (in fact, the electrical system was behind the wheel well and based on the damage, the insurance company totaled the RV!)

Door on the RV blowing open while driving on I-10 - resulting in some expensive damage (the door, several windows) - be sure your vehicle and trailer are properly secured.

When pulling out of your vacation spot, be sure you are packed up properly - the parks are full of stories of people pulling their RV's out with antennas raised (and then missing when they encounter the first low tree), steps left down (getting damaged on bumps/curbs), awnings left out (there are really expensive to replace!)

So, before you head out on a trip, check your vehicle, RV and boat
- fluids (oil, transmission fluid, brake fluid, etc )
- Tire condition and inflation
- Lights - are they all working (especially on a towed trailer)
- trailer brakes - either electrical or surge
- Emergency supplies - do you have flares or the safety triangles?
- First aid kit?
- Flashlight?
- Wipers in good shape and working?

"Take Two" before you leave - remember you are hauling some precious cargo on vacation - your family. Make your vacation something to remember for all the right reasons!

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 26, 2006
Take Safety Home
Today's Message is from James Copeland (a Houston Albemarle employee).

While recently working on Vacation Bible School props, I was reminded how we forget to utilize the safety training we're given at work. Things we would never do at work, we seem to not think twice about when we are away...anything from using chairs for a ladder, standing on the top rung of a ladder, utilizing tools for which they are not designed, to not wearing safety glasses when utilizing power saws. They just kept piling up!!!!

We have had a very good program here at Albemarle reminding folks to take safety home, but we can't rest on our past achievements. Remember,, safety first,,, at work or play,,,, keeps us healthy, happy,, and the doctor away.

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 22, 2006
Today's Safety From the Heart message is from Dona Headden. Orangeburg Plant
HAVE A PLAN!

I am a single parent of two little boys, eight and six years old. One of my worst fears as a single parent is, what would the children do if something happened to me while we were at home alone? We cannot always prevent bad things from happening but we can be as prepared as possible. I talk safety to my children on a regular basis. Take the time to map out contingency plans. These are some of the simple things I have done.

Post phone numbers of the individuals or agencies they should call in the event you are unable to communicate. Make sure the numbers are printed in a large and readable format and posted at their eye level. Write the words in regards to what they recognize, Nanny, Aunt Joni, police, etc. If they are too young to recognize words, glue a little picture of the person beside the number. Most important, make sure the child knows how to use the phone. Let them practice by calling these individuals on a regular basis.

Talk about what to do if a phone call is not an option. Should they go to a neighbor? If so, which one. Once this neighbor has been chosen, talk with this person and explain to them that you have informed your child to come to them in case of an emergency.

Map out escape routes and designated meeting locations in the event of a fire. Practice this with them often. Show them how to unlock a window, crawl out, and where exactly to relocate. Choose a spot that is located on the side so that you can see the front and back of the house. You can choose the mailbox, a utility shed, or any easily identifiable spot for a child. We meet at the pump house on the side of my home.

Talk to your children in an informative manner that will educate them but not scare them. Take into consideration their age and the level of understanding. The most important thing is to practice these plans. As we know, children learn more from actions than words.

My children are my joy, my life, and most of all, my responsibility. Keeping them safe and sound requires keeping them informed and educated. Have a plan and practice, practice, practice!

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 21, 2006
Confronting Safety

What should you do when you see someone doing something unsafe? It's simple, just confront them. I was confronted by a janitor during one of my recent visits to the plant. I had not done anything unsafe, but I was considering (SCANning). The hall leading back to the office (after hours) was being cleaned and was blocked by a person operating a floor polish stripper. I came up from behind them and started looking the situation over - how was I going to get to my office. Another janitor came up from behind me and said: "If you try to go that way, I'm going to write you up!" Needless to say, the VP-HSE did not need to be written up and I got directions on another route back to my office. This person confronted me to make sure I did not do something unsafe. I appreciated that.

Many folks do not like to confront others on any topic, even safety. If we truly care about each other and the safety of the workplace, I would encourage you to confront that person. It is also best to confront the person directly versus going to their supervisor. If you confront the person directly, you can stop the unsafe act immediately instead of letting it occur and risk the person getting hurt. Certainly, if the person is not receptive to the input, going to the supervisor is needed.
The next day, I heard another story about one employee seeing another doing something unsafe years ago and reporting it to the supervisor without talking to the employee first. This created hard feelings between these employees for years and hurt their work relationship. By not confronting the employee first, these employees missed an opportunity to strengthen their work relationship and gain trust in one another.

So, although you may not like confronting others, it’s the right thing to do. Don't even shy away from confronting supervision, even the VP-HSE.

Dr. Ron Zumstein
VP- Health, Safety, and Environment
Albemarle Corporation

------------ Safety From The Heart ----------
July 17, 2006

Today's Message is from Bob StClair (a Houston Albemarle employee).

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATE. IF YOU SIT DOWN AND EAT IT ALL AT ONCE, YOU MISS THE PLEASURE IT COULD PROVIDE IN THE LONG TERM.

STOP, LOOK AROUND, AND BE AWARE OF YOUR CO-WORKERS AND YOUR SURROUNDINGS. THEY MAY NEED YOUR HELP OR A SITUATION MAY NEED YOUR ATTENTION.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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Gotta Love this Judge...

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the godless and assigned their sharpest attorneys to the case.

The case was brought before a wise judge who after listening to the long, passionate presentation of the ACLU lawyers, promptly banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!"

The lead ACLU lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances.
And the Jews--why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said: "Obviously your client is too confused to know about, or for that matter, even celebrate the atheists' holiday!"

The ACLU lawyer pompously said "We are aware of no such holiday for atheists, just when might that be, your honor?"

The judge said "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date---
April 1st!"

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."
- Psalm 14:1, Psalm 53:1

Thanks to John Chadsey
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WRITE IT ON THE BACK OF YOUR ENVELOPES !

I THINK THIS A GREAT IDEA. I WILL START WRITING THIS ON FRONT OF ALL MY ENVELOPES, TOO!

You may have heard in the news that the Post Office has been forced to take down small posters that say "IN GOD WE TRUST . "
The law, they say, is being violated.

Anyway, I heard proposed on a radio station show, that we should all write "IN GOD WE TRUST" on the back of all our mail...after all, that is our national motto, and it's on all the money we use to buy those stamps. I think it is a wonderful idea.

We must take back our nation from all the people who think that anything that offends them should be removed.

It has been reported that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having "In God We Trust" on our money and having God in the pledge of Allegiance.

Could it be that WE just need to take action and tell the 14% to sit down and shut up?

Thanks to John Chadsey
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A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man " Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

Thanks to John Chadsey
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Americans

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!"

The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!"

Thanks to John Chadsey
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Long but one of the best summaries of "where we've been and where we are headed and certainly worth reading and getting in the hands of our youth.

This is a post from Raymond S. Kraft,
a California lawyer, that claims to shed light on the Big Picture!
----------------------------------------------------
Sixty-three years ago, Nazi Germany had overrun almost all of Europe and hammered England to the verge of bankruptcy and defeat, and had sunk more than four hundred British ships in their convoys between England and America for food and war materials.

The US was in an isolationist, pacifist, mood, and most Americans and Congress wanted nothing to do with the European war, or the Asian war.

Then along came Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and in outrage Congress unanimously declared war on Japan, and the following day on Germany, which had not attacked us. It was a dicey thing. We had few allies.

France was not an ally, the Vichy government of France aligned with its German occupiers. Germany was not an ally, it was an enemy, and Hitler intended to set up a Thousand Year Reich in Europe. Japan was not an ally, it was intent on owning and controlling all of Asia. Japan and Germany had long-term ideas of invading Canada and Mexico, and then the United States over the north and south borders, after they had settled control of Asia and Europe.

America's allies then were England, Ireland, Scotland, Canada, Australia, and Russia, and that was about it. All of Europe, from Norway to Italy, except Russia in the east, was already under the Nazi heel.

America was not prepared for war. America had stood down most of its military after WWI and throughout the depression, at the outbreak of WWII there were army units training with broomsticks over their shoulders because they didn't have guns, and cars with "tank" painted on the doors because they didn't have tanks. And a big chunk of our navy had just been sunk and damaged at Pearl Harbor.

Britain had already gone bankrupt, saved only by the donation of $600 million in gold bullion in the Bank of England that was the property of Belgium and was given by Belgium to England to carry on the war when Belgium was overrun by Hitler - actually, Belgium surrendered one day, because it was unable to oppose the German invasion, and the Germans bombed Brussels into rubble the next day anyway just to prove they could. Britain had been holding out for two years already in the face of staggering shipping loses and the near-decimation of its air force in the Battle of Britain, and was saved from being overrun by Germany only because Hitler made the mistake of thinking the Brits were a relatively minor threat that could be dealt with later and turning his attention to Russia, at a time when England was on the verge of collapse in the late summer of 1940.

Russia saved America's butt by putting up a desperate fight for two years until the US got geared up to begin hammering away at Germany.

Russia lost something like 24 million people in the sieges of Stalingrad and Moscow, 90% of them from cold and starvation, mostly civilians, but also more than a million soldiers. More than a million. Had Russia surrendered, then, Hitler would have been able to focus his entire campaign against the Brits, then America, and the Nazis would have won that war.

I say this to illustrate that turning points in history are often dicey things. And we are at another one. There is a very dangerous minority in Islam that either has, or wants and may soon have, the ability to deliver small nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, almost anywhere in the world, unless they are prevented from doing so.

The Jihadis, the militant Muslims, are basically Nazis in Kaffiyahs - they believe that Islam, a radically conservative (definitely not liberal!) form of Wahhabi Islam, should own and control the Middle East first, then Europe, then the world, and that all who do not bow to Allah should be killed, enslaved, or subjugated. They want to finish the Holocaust, destroy Israel, purge the world of Jews. This is what they say.

There is also a civil war raging in the Middle East - for the most part not a hot war, but a war of ideas. Islam is having its Inquisition and its Reformation today, but it is not yet known which will win - the Inquisition, or the Reformation.

If the Inquisition wins, then the Wahhabis, the Jihadis, will control the Middle East, and the OPEC oil, and the US, European, and Asian economies, the techno-industrial economies, will be at the mercy of OPEC - not an OPEC dominated by the well-educated and rational Saudis of today, but an OPEC dominated by the Jihadis.

You want gas in your car? You want heating oil next winter? You want jobs? You want the dollar to be worth anything? You better hope the Jihad, the Muslim Inquisition, loses, and the Islamic Reformation wins.

If the Reformation movement wins, that is, the moderate Muslims who believe that Islam can respect and tolerate other religions, and live in peace with the rest of the world, and move out of the 10th century into the 21st, then the troubles in the Middle East will eventually fade away, and a moderate and prosperous Middle East will emerge.

We have to help the Reformation win, and to do that we have to fight the Inquisition, i.e., the Wahhabi movement, the Jihad, Al Qaeda, the Islamic terrorist movements. We have to do it somewhere. We cannot do it nowhere. And we cannot do it everywhere at once. We have created a focal point for the battle now at the time and place of our choosing, in Iraq.

Not in New York, not in London, or Paris, or Berlin, but in Iraq, where we did and are doing two very important things.
(1) We deposed Saddam Hussein. Whether Saddam Hussein was directly involved in 9/11 or not, it is undisputed that Saddam has been actively supporting the terrorist movement for decades. Saddam is a terrorist. Saddam is, or was, a weapon of mass destruction, who is responsible for the deaths of probably more than a million Iraqis and two million Iranians.

(2) We created a battle, a confrontation, a flash point, with Islamic terrorism in Iraq. We have focused the battle. We are killing bad guys there and the ones we get there we won't have to get here, or anywhere else. We also have a good shot at creating a democratic, peaceful Iraq, which will be a catalyst for democratic change in the rest of the Middle East, and an outpost for a stabilizing American military presence in the Middle East for as long as it is needed.

World War II, the war with the German and Japanese Nazis, really began with a "whimper" in 1928. It did not begin with Pearl Harbor. It began with the Japanese invasion of China. It was a war for fourteen years before America joined it. It officially ended in 1945 - a 17 year war - and was followed by another decade of US occupation in Germany and Japan to get those countries reconstructed and running on their own again .. a 27 year war.

World War II cost the United States an amount equal to approximately a full year's GDP - adjusted for inflation, equal to about $12 trillion dollars, WWII cost America more than 400,000 killed in action, and nearly 100,000 still missing in action.

The Iraq war has, so far, cost the US about $160 billion, which is roughly what 9/11 cost New York. It has also cost about 2,200 American lives, which is roughly 2/3 of the 3,000 lives that the Jihad snuffed on 9/11. But the cost of not fighting and winning WWII would have been unimaginably greater - a world now dominated by German and Japanese Nazism.

Americans have a short attention span, now, conditioned I suppose by 60 minute TV shows and 2-hour movies in which everything comes out okay. The real world is not like that. It is messy, uncertain, and sometimes bloody and ugly. Always has been, and probably always will be.

The bottom line here is that we will have to deal with Islamic terrorism until we defeat it, whenever that is. It will not go away on its own. It will not go away if we ignore it.

If the US can create a reasonably democratic and stable Iraq, then we have an "England" in the Middle East, a platform, from which we can work to help modernize and moderate the Middle East. The history of the world is the clash between the forces of relative civility and civilization, and the barbarians clamoring at the gates. The Iraq war is merely another battle in this ancient and never-ending war. And now, for the first time ever, the barbarians are about to get nuclear weapons unless we prevent them. Or somebody does.

We have four options

1. We can defeat the Jihad now, before it gets nuclear weapons.

2. We can fight the Jihad later, after it gets nuclear weapons (which may be as early as next year, if Iran's progress on nuclear weapons is what Iran claims it is).

3. We can surrender to the Jihad and accept its dominance in the Middle East, now, in Europe in the next few years or decades, and ultimately in America.

4. Or we can stand down now, and pick up the fight later when the Jihad is more widespread and better armed, perhaps after the Jihad has dominated France and Germany and maybe most of the rest of Europe. It will be more dangerous, more expensive, and much bloodier then.

Yes, the Jihadis say that they look forward to an Islamic America. If you oppose this war, I hope you like the idea that your children, or grandchildren, may live in an Islamic America under the Mullahs and the Sharia, an America that resembles Iran today.

We can be defeatist peace-activists as anti-war types seem to be, and concede, surrender, to the Jihad, or we can do whatever it takes to win this war against them.
The history of the world is the history of civilizational clashes, cultural clashes. All wars are about ideas, ideas about what society and civilization should be like, and the most determined always win. Those who are willing to be the most ruthless always win. The pacifists always lose, because the anti-pacifists kill them.

In the 20th century, it was Western democracy vs. communism, and before that Western democracy vs. Nazism, and before that Western democracy vs. German Imperialism. Western democracy won, three times, but it wasn't cheap, fun, nice, easy, or quick. Indeed, the wars against German Imperialism (WWI), Nazi Imperialism (WWII), and communist imperialism (the 40-year Cold War that included the Vietnam Battle, commonly called the Vietnam War, but itself a major battle in a larger war) covered almost the entire century.

The first major war of the 21st Century is the war between Western Judeo/Christian Civilization and Wahhabi Islam. It may last a few more years, or most of this century. It will last until the Wahhabi branch of Islam fades away, or gives up its ambitions for regional and global dominance and Jihad, or until Western Civilization gives in to the Jihad.

It will take time. It will not go with no hitches. This is not TV.
Remember, perspective is everything, and America's schools teach too little history for perspective to be clear, especially in the young American mind.

The Cold war lasted from about 1947 at least until the Berlin Wall came down in 1989. Forty-two years. Europe spent the first half of the 19th century fighting Napoleon, and from 1870 to 1945 fighting Germany.

World War II began in 1928, lasted 17 years, plus a ten year occupation, and the US still has troops in Germany and Japan. World War II resulted in the death of more than 50 million people, maybe more than 100 million people, depending on which estimates you accept.

The US has taken a little more than 2,000 KIA in Iraq. The US took more than 4,000 Killed in action on the morning of June 6, 1944, the first day of the Normandy Invasion to rid Europe of Nazi Imperialism. In WWII the US averaged 2,000 KIA a week for four years. Most of the individual battles of WWII lost more Americans than the entire Iraq war has done so far.

But the stakes are at least as high . . . a world dominated by representative governments with civil rights, human rights, and personal freedoms or a world dominated by a radical Islamic Wahhabi movement, by the Jihad, under the Mullahs and the Sharia (Islamic law).

I do not understand why the American Left does not grasp this. They favor human rights, civil rights, liberty and freedom, but evidently not for Iraqis. In America, absolutely, but nowhere else.

300,000 Iraqi bodies in mass graves in Iraq are not our problem? The US population is about twelve times that of Iraq, so let's multiply 300,000 by twelve. What would you think if there were 3,600,000 American bodies in mass graves in America because of George Bush? Would you hope for another country to help liberate America?

"Peace Activists" always seem to demonstrate where it's safe, in America.
Why don't we see Peace Activist demonstrating in Iran, Syria, Iraq, Sudan, North Korea, in the places in the world that really need peace activism the most?

The liberal mentality is supposed to favor human rights, civil rights, democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc., but if the Jihad wins, wherever the Jihad wins, it is the end of civil rights, human rights, democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc. Americans who oppose the liberation of Iraq are coming down on the side of their own worst enemy.

If the Jihad wins, it is the death of Liberalism. Everywhere the Jihad wins, it is the death of Liberalism. And American Liberals just don't get it.

Raymond S. Kraft is a writer and lawyer living in Northern California.
Please consider passing along copies of this to students in high school, college and university as it contains information about the American past that is very meaningful TODAY - - history about America that very likely is completely unknown by them (and their instructors, too). By being denied the facts and truth of our history, they are at a decided disadvantage when it comes to reasoning and thinking through the issues of today. They are prime targets for misinformation campaigns beamed at enlisting them in causes and beliefs that are special interest agenda driven.

Thanks to Terry
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The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" an d she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream.
When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

Thanks to John Chadsey
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A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island. The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agree that they had no other recourse but to pray to God.

However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us.

When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!

Thanks to Laurel Becnel
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Activities and Events of Interest
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Cpl. Matthew P. Wallace, 22, of Lexington Park, Md., died on July 21, in Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his Bradley Fighting Vehicle during combat operations in Baghdad, Iraq, on July 16. Wallace was assigned to the 10th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

02. 1st Sgt. Christopher C. Rafferty, 37, of Brownsville, Pa. died in Sharana, Afghanistan, on July 21, as a result of shrapnel wounds suffered on July 20, while he was coordinating a response to a mortar and possible rocket-propelled grenade attack. Rafferty was assigned to 37th Engineer Battalion, Fort Bragg, N.C.

03. Capt. Blake H. Russell, 35, of Forth Worth, Texas died on July 22 of injuries sustained from enemy forces munitions while investigating a possible mortar cache during combat operations in Baghdad, Iraq. Russell was assigned to the Army's 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

04. Spc. Stephen W. Castner, 27, of Cedarburg, Wis., died on July 24, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMMV during combat operations in Tallil, Iraq. Castner was assigned to the Army National Guard's 1st Battalion, 121st Field Artillery, Milwaukee, Wis.

05. Sgt. David M. Hierholzer, 27, of Lewisburg, Tenn., died on July 24 in Pesch, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when his platoon encountered enemy forces small arms fire. Hierholzer was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 32nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

06. Cpl. Adam J. Fargo, 22, of Ruckersville, Va., died on July 22 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained when his convoy encountered enemy forces small arms fire. Fargo was assigned to the 4th Brigade Troop Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division, Fort Campbell, Ky.

07. Spc. Dennis K. Samson Jr., 24, of Hesperia, Mich., died on July 24 in Taqaddum, Iraq, of injuries sustained by enemy small arms fire. Samson was assigned to 1st Battalion, 506th Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, Fort Campbell, Ky.

08. Spc. Joseph A. Graves, 21, of Discovery Bay, Calif., was killed on July 25 in Baghdad, Iraq, when his convoy encountered enemy fire. Graves was assigned to the 110th Military Police Company, 720th Military Police Battalion, 89th Military Police Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 04 --- 27 July 2006
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
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TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Dale's Cone / Drum Corps / Correction

Howdy, y'all, and greetings once again from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, celebrating its third consecutive month without any sea lions attacking city hall. See http://tinyurl.com/gxq5m for the [I swear I am not making this up] true story.

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On with the show...

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Dale's Cone of Nonesense
Audience: Educators, Librarians, and Trainers
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Since many Tourbus riders are also educators or librarians, I thought I'd don my powder blue academic hood [see http://tinyurl.com/qjubv ] and share with you some interesting academic research. There is a concept in education called "Dale's Cone of Experience" that states that people generally remember:

10% of what they read
20% of what they hear
30% of what they see
50% of what they hear and see
70% of what they say or write
90% of what they as they do a thing

Often displayed graphically as a cone -- see http://teacherworld.com/dalescone.gif -- Dale's Cone has had a profound impact on the way we teach both children and adults.

And it is a complete and total fraud.

No, really. Will Thalheimer at Work-Learning Research delved into Dale's Cone and discovered that:

1. While Edgar Dale indeed did indeed create a model of the concreteness of various audio-visual material back in 1946, the model contained no numbers and no research was conducted to create the model. Dale's Cone was just a hunch, albeit an educated hunch, one that Dale warned shouldn't be taken too literally.

2. The percentages -- 'people generally remember 10% of what they read' and so on -- were most likely added to Dale's Cone by an employee of the Mobil Oil company in the late 1960s. These percentages have since been discredited.

You can see Thalheimer's complete report online at

http://www.work-learning.com/chigraph.htm

It's an eye-opening read, especially if you're an educator, librarian or trainer. Let me also put in a plug for Thalheimer's blog at

http://www.willatworklearning.com/

While I've known about Thalheimer's investigation into Dale's Cone for a couple of years now, I've only recently discovered his blog. It contains a collection of "research-based commentary on learning, performance, and the industry thereof."

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DCI Summer Music Games
Audience: Marching Music Fans in the US
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Talking about sea lions and cones [I *REALLY* need to work on my segues], long time riders of our little bus of internet happiness will remember that I am a huge drum corps fan. And, no, I didn't march in any band or corps. I'm just a fan. A drum corps [pronounced "core"], also known as a drum and bugle corps, is a musical marching unit, similar to a marching band, consisting of brass instruments, percussion instruments, and a color guard. ... Competitions occur on football fields and are judged based upon general effect, visual performance, and musical performance. ...Musical repertoires can vary widely between shows, including symphonic, jazz, big band, contemporary, rock, wind band, vocal, Broadway, and Latin music. ... Each drum corps prepares a single show, approximately 10-12 minutes in length, and refines it throughout the entire summer tour. Highly competitive corps spend 8 to 10 weeks on tour full-time, practicing and performing their program until reaching the circuit Championships at the end of the summer, where all corps come together to compete for a title. [Source: http://tinyurl.com/hlwxf ]

In other words, it is kind of like "Marching Music's Major League." To see what I'm talking about, check out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb5VImRI5Ag

This is a YouTube video of [most of] the Cavalier's 2002 record- setting, world championship performance. While you may have seen marching bands before, you have NEVER seen [or heard] anything like this.

Anyway, if you are as big a drum corps fan as I am, or if you just want to see what all the fuss is about, you'll be happy to know that on Thursday, August 10, select Regal, United Artists, and Edwards Theatres around the United States will simulcast the quarterfinals of the 2006 Drum Corps International World Championships. For US$18 [or at least that is what Fandango is charging] you'll get to watch and hear the top seventeen drum corps in high definition and digital surround sound. Big. Loud. Live. With lots and lots of popcorn and bathroom breaks.

For more information, or to purchase tickets, please visit

http://www.bigscreenconcerts.com/subpage/index.asp?EventID=596

For a list of theaters offering the simulcast, please visit

http://www.dci.org/cinema/theaters.cfm

This will be third year this simulcast is being offered -- or at least the third year I've attended -- and if the past is any indicator of the future you should buy your tickets today and plan on showing up to the theater EARLY! Last year, the lines at the Irvine Spectrum stretched around the building and the audience filled two or three of the Spectrum's largest theaters. This scene was repeated at theaters around the country.

Rumor has it that on September 6 ESPN2 will also broadcast highlights of the 2006 Drum Corps International World Championships. The keyword here is "highlights." For some reason or other, the producers of the ESPN2 show seem to think that special interest stories are infinitely more interesting than the actual competition, so you won't see or hear much music during this broadcast. ["The World Cup is tied after two overtimes. Italy is lining up to shoot their first penalty kick. This wouldn't be possible without the support of the player's mother ... [cue five minute video with the player's mother explaining that football is a legitimate sport that is every bit as demanding as baseball or curling] ... And we're back. While you were away, Italy won on penalty kicks. Isn't this EXCITING!?"]

If you are really into drum corps, skip ESPN2's backstory-a-palooza and head to the theater instead. [Oh, and to the Cavies fans out there, "SPLOOIE!"]

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CORRECTION
Audience: Everyone
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Finally, you may have noticed that I begin each of my Tourbus posts with a few words about my beloved hometown of Irvine, California. Upon closer inspection of the Tourbus archives, I have discovered that some of what I have written about Irvine may not have been completely accurate. In particular, Irvine is not:

* Located at the confluence of the Allegheny and Monongahela rivers (10/25/01)
* The wombat capital of west central Belgium (11/04/01)
* The barbeque okra capital of Madagascar (04/02/02)
* The possible childhood home of Werner Heisenberg (although we aren't quite certain) (05/09/02)
* Quietly nestled between the Shire and the Cracks of DOOM! (08/02/02)
* The inverse relationship between price and quantity demanded (10/24/02)
* The town immortalized in the hit musical "Don't Cry for Me Orangantina" (11/21/02)
* A town made entirely out of cheese and Legos (02/05/03)
* Hog butcher to the world (03/28/03)
* Filmed in front of a live studio audience (04/02/03)
* An animal that, when fully grown, can weigh over 3,000 pounds and jump over 25 feet (07/16/03)
* Available in both original recipe and extra crispy (09/10/03)
* The 14th century home of the papacy (07/24/04)
* The gateway to scenic central Botswana (09/30/04)
* The fourth most serious of the seven deadly sins (10/24/04)
* America's number one selling pretzel (08/16/05)
* The former capital of the short-lived "Rhythm Nation" (10/11/05)
* The site of the 2007 winter Olympics' cross country luge event (07/20/06)

I regret the error. For more information, please visit

http://netsquirrel.com/tourbus/irvine.html

Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.

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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8 p.m. Monday - Friday. At noon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and at 7 p.m. Sunday at 914 N. Vine
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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Columbia County Diabetes Support Group - Every third Monday, 7:00 p.m. room 222, Magnolia Hospital
~~~
"Focus on the Family" with Dr. James Dobson weekday afternoons at 1 PM on KVMA am 630 it's a great show!
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MCC - Abraham Prayer - Sunday at 5:00 p.m and Wednesday from 11:30 am to 1:00 pm
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MCC - "Beth Moore" Video Class - Thursday nights at 5:45 pm
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Firm Foundations Class, Sunday 9:30 to 10:15 am
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MCC - Meadow Brook Nursing Home Ministry Tuesday from 10:00 to 11:00 am
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
~~~
Narcotics Anonymous 5-6 pm every Monday at 220 Pine street.
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TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 5 pm every Tuesday in the Magnolia Hospital break room.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Psa 3:2-6 Psa 5:1-3 Psa 5:8-12 Isa 50:7 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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